Bank and Banker Jokes
I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.
What's the problem with banker jokes? Bankers don't think their funny, and normal people don't think their jokes.
Banks our considered to be pretty staid institutions and bankers, serious people who lack humour and heart. Here are some funny jokes that poke fun at the banking industry. Enjoy, I hope they make you laugh!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance was outstanding.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.
Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them.
A father is a banker provided by nature.
My bank account balance is a constant reminder that I'm safe from identity theft.
May your bank balance be greater than your troubles.
If you have to borrow, borrow it from a pessimist. He never expects it back.
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
Give a man a gun, and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank, and he can rob the world
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Because he wanted cold hard cash!
Bankers never die... They just lose interest.
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only two tellers?
Why did the post office have to recall a series of stamps depicting famous bankers? People were confused about which side to spit on.
A man visits his bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?" The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."
If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will soon be in the negative. Know when to close the account.
Why are piggy banks so wise? They're filled with common cents.
When people rob banks they go to jail. When banks rob people they get bonuses.
Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!
When people rob banks the go to jail. When banks rob people they get bonuses.
Jokes About Money
Take the money and run. Mobile banking on the go.
A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
Where do fish keep their money? A: In a river bank!
What do fish use for money? A: Sand dollars!
What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? A: There was money in the kitty!
What do get when you cross a banker with a fish? A: Loan shark!
When does it rain money? A: When there's change in the weather!
Money isn't everything... but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
What is materialism? A: Buying things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people that don't matter.
Where does Santa's elves keep their money? A: In a snow bank of course! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Why is a river rich? Because it has two banks.
Famous Bank Quotes
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. ~ Benjamin Franklin
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. ~ Mark Twain
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem. ~ John Paul Getty
Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments. ~ Bethenny Frankel
Money can buy a lot of things, but it can't buy manners, morals, respect, character, common sense, trust and patience.